12/5/02
wow, it's been a long time since i've posted here. there will probably be only a few more thought nuggets until i officially sign off. winter hibernating, you know.

current techgirl joys: my new (from ebay) mackie 1202 (so now i have a whole set up with reference monitors running!), kinesis ergonomic keyboards both at work and at home, and a soon to be bought wireless router!

i've been laying low, too. totally passing up on going out for the comforts (yeah, right, in our house?) of staying in.
laylow girl has been: reading (guerrilla radio: rock 'n' roll radio and serbia's underground resistance, nickled and dimed: on (not) getting by in america, do androids dream of electric sheep, and police and thieves , a novel by san francisco hipster, Peter Plate).

i'm now reading with a dictionary in hand. gre-prep, yo. yes, i'm looking at grad schools : m.i.t., new college university, ut austin. with talks of layoffs at my less-than-challenging, though well-paying job, nerd work seems like my only way out.

9/23/02
FUCK. Say it with me. "I WILL NOT PUT MY BODY THROUGH THIS AGAIN, FOR A LONG, Long, long TIME."

No sleep, creativity sapped, satisfying food harder to find, and the stress tieing up knots in my back and along those carpal tunnels so that I'm constantly at my newly discovered massage posts: the pegs of my new dresser drawer and the banister post at the top of my stairs. I see friends, folks I should catch up with, but holding a decent conversation would be tapping into reserve energy that is more precious than water in Dune.

And it's not just APAture that's wearing me out. I'm running multiple projects right now, but not all of them are public. Some are just in my head (and sometimes my heart). But Mogwai and the all important Allied comp on his (limited) CD shelf have got to be a good sign.

9/19/02
This current silence on my site is NOT because I have nothing to say, but rather because I'm expressing myself (or should I say SCREAMING) elsewhere.

Yes, it's APAture time again, and while I'm stoked to be in the gallery exhibition and to have great support from friends, the project is killing me. I'm exhausted creatively and physically. My room is a mess again. I'm losing things again. And I'm not able to enjoy the San Francisco September sun!

Hopefully, you'll come out and see the project: Remapping Chicago and make all my hard work worth it.

9/9/02 A mid-year resolution
M-dogg came to my room for the first time and said, "Whoa! A library!"

And that’s exactly it. This online logging of my thoughts, this collections of books that I’ll one day read, this archiving of zines and 7" and records that for most are lost in obscurity. I’m a collector of underground media and potentially subversive artifacts and thoughts because who else will?

Recently, I reorganized my bookshelf by theme like music nerds do to their record collection. General "issues" (like vegetarianism, feminism, democracy), Music books, Media books, specifically Radio books, Fiction, Asian American, African American, Latino, then general ethnic (including whiteness), Design, Instructional (old HTML, Illustrator, and Filemaker books), and then Oversized.

A library that I hope to (someday soon) be able to read.

8/16/02 Pursuit of Happiness
It was suppose to be a discussion about how to use your creativity and still pay your bills. But stories of Pam working 18 hour days as an engineer AND theater stage manager or 18 hour days as an arts administrator only served to discourage me.

I ran off to support some artists (musicians to be exact) who ARE doing their thing (though paycheck-less) with words ringing so true:

"Crossed over the Golden Gate.
Over the Richmond, too.
Over the Bay Bridge, now
And now I'm over you."

Today, happiness comes disguised in the shape of food and good company: a picnic surprise at the church garden and perhaps a dinner/study date in the comfort of Cat's condo (please, please!).

8/15/02 Exhaustion
Another non-stop weekend has led to me crashing in the middle of the week. A surprise romp through San Francisco with my family and a kidnapping by Murder Dub to the Ultimate Sunshine Festival (missed Modest Mouse, embarrassed by white rockers' lask of partying to De La Soul, but totally impressed by Flaming Lips' stage show!) closed with Nan and Curry and a sharing of Hawaii pictures. Monday, Six Parts Seven played (with Drift opening!) and I stayed up late to let them crash at the Sanchez Pad.

So Tuesday, I made sure to have dinner in hand before That '70s Show started and last night, I made a few phone calls and watched a bad copy of Diner. It's time to cocoon again.

8/7/02
Falling asleep with a now used bass and guitar at my feet, muted  Largesse tunes leaking thourgh the wall, and a belly full of homemade curry and Chinese soup. Avesa's Pina coladas, Ali G, and boy disses about "chick cars" rockin' my dreams.

My life is so ripe right now with opportunities that I have to turn down offers to make space for new ones. Clever words, thoughtful gestures, and photographs to leave an imprint of the scenes.

I only hope my tan lasts as long as this Hawaii high!

8/6/02 12:46 a.m.
I'm still on vacation. Two months and I *need* to start getting stuff done, but all I want to do is play guitar. Jawbreaker and Tom Waits.

Tonight, I received a welcome guitar lesson: reminders to play rock by using down strokes, mute 'em, walk the bass to get to the next chord, and a demonstration of how to make the amp distorted.

After a four course Chinese meal, we talked about the ultimate rocker (the "package") and conversely, those that front it.

My room is still a mess, my project list still unchecked, and my taxes still a pile on the floor. But I can play "Kiss the Bottle!"